Annals of Highway Mayhem

We Could Use a Hero Right About Now

Is the California Republic the worst place on planet Earth to drive? If you happen to be concerned about sudden tunnel conflagrations or malevolent seasonal microclimates, quite possibly yes. The recent Tule Fog pileup, which involved an impressive 100 vehicles and led to the deaths of two people, followed close on the heels of October's I-5 tunnel fire, which also notched two fatalities. Stuck in traffic on the 10 just east of the 405 on a Thursday? Feh! You could be contending with two-foot visibility in a low-hanging terrestrial cloud amid wildly veering big rigs in the Central Valley, or worse, dodging exploding concrete as wind-whipped fires transform a Santa Clarita tunnel into a really large blowtorch. The common denominator here? 10-4 good buddy! Eighteen-wheelers of far less spiritual merit that Optimus Prime (a collision between two of them started the tunnel fire, and at least 16 were involved in the Tule Fog incident). Remember when long-haul truckin' meant Greg Evigan and a smartass monkey? Seems like now we should deport them all to the Ice Road, their natural habitat, and let them compete for the chance to crack through the frozen highway and met their rightful end in a cold, watery Canadian grave.

RigWatch: Just in time for Transformers Deux (assuming the writers strike doesn't crush the hopes and dreams of 12-year-old boys in several hemispheres), Peterbilt has phased out its stalwart 379 Class 8 truck, which has been around since 1987 and should henceforth be referred to exclusively as the "Optimus." Beginning next year, all giant do-gooder alien space robots will get their start as as Peterbilt 389s.